Photograph
by lifewillout-always
Summary: Amelia and Owen, after three years of ups and downs, have finally married. What happens next?
1. Afire Love

Amelia woke up the morning after her wedding in the hotel room she and Owen were staying at. The reception had been in the hotel itself, and the bridal party and guests had ended up crashing in the hotel after the reception, which had gone on seemingly forever. She picked up her left hand and ran it through her messy brown hair, her rings getting caught on a few loose tendrils that had fallen out of the masterpiece Meredith had created for her the day before.

Looking next to her, she smiled at Owen, who was still sleeping soundly and she slipped from the bed, headed for the bathroom before she caught sight of herself in the mirror. Dressed in a tiny white slip, her hair messed up and her makeup smudged, with a sparkling diamond ring on her finger, she couldn't help but smile at herself. She was a bride. Meredith may have had to kick her down the aisle and she may have run at one point, but she had done it, she had made it down the aisle. She was married, she was someone's wife. Mrs. Amelia Shepherd-Hunt. Mrs. Amelia Hunt. She wasn't sure which she liked better, or if she was even going to change her name, but she liked the sound of both.

She continued to stare at herself in the mirror, a sense of pride rising in her.

 _Look at me now, Derek. Look at your baby sister, recovered, sober, and healed_ , she thought, tears coming to her eyes as she thought of the brother who would never see her married and never see her children. She refused to cry though, and she rubbed at her eyes quickly, lest Owen wake up and question her. She didn't want to be sad; she had just married the love of her life. She was happy beyond belief as she slipped back into bed and wrapped her slender arms around his waist, snuggling back up to him and falling asleep.

* * *

The second time she woke up was to a good morning kiss and she smiles, her eyes still closed as she felt his hand running up her leg. She caught it with her hand and her eyes popped open as she leaned in for another kiss.

"Good morning, husband," she teased him, and she could feel the smile spreading across his lips.

"Good morning, wife," he teased her back, his strong arms enveloping her. She felt safe and secure in his grasp and she smiled, burying her head in his chest and taking a deep breath. He still smelled like aftershave and the flowers that had decorated their wedding, mostly her three white roses: one for her father, one for Derek, and one for her nameless baby boy. But today wasn't about those she lost, today was about moving forward with her life.

"Ohhh come here," he told her, and she moved closer as he played with the dangerously short hem of her silky white nightgown and she giggled, climbing on top of him.

"Is this close enough?" she teased him, leaning over and placing a kiss on his lips. In a flash her slip was over her head and she laughed, crinkling her nose, really truly laughing. She thought back to those times before him, when her laughter and happiness was forced, and she decided this was so much better, being truly happy with someone.

"So much better," he smirked, pulling her down on top of him and making love to her; they had been doing it countless times since they'd said 'I do' at this point.

* * *

Later that morning they showered together, and afterwards she dressed herself in a white embroidered dress paired with white wedges, her hair blown dry and straightened. She felt she looked decent and looked in the mirror again, smiling, looking down at her left hand again. The ring still felt like a foreign object that didn't belong there; it had taken three engagements to get to where she was now. Ryan, who she thought had been the love of her life, died beside her while she was in a drug induced haze. She went to rehab and after that found James, who she thought she had loved, but ran away to Seattle to escape him where she finally met Owen, and three years later and many ups and downs, they were married. She felt pressure on her shoulders and looked up to see him standing beside her, dressed in slacks and a button him as he kissed her from behind.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked her, and she smiled slyly.

"Just thinking about how we got here," she smiled sweetly, before heading back into the bedroom and tossing her phone and a lipstick into her bag before heading to the door. Meredith, who had basically planned the entire wedding, had planned a brunch, where unfortunately they were expected. If it were up to Amelia, she and Owen would lay in bed all day, exploring every inch of each other, but Meredith, as much as she loved her sister, always put a damper in that. Not on purpose, though, except that one time they were having sex on the couch and Meredith came downstairs with the kids.

Riding the elevator downstairs, Amelia slid into Owens arms with a smile and he held her close in his arms before the doors slid open and they were heading into the restaurant, which the families had commandeered. The moment the pair stepped inside, everyone cheer and Amelia couldn't help but blush. She may be selfish and loved the center of attention, but in that moment she didn't want it. Her day had been yesterday; she didn't want a whole weekend of it. She floated over to Meredith, however, and threw her arms around her.

"How can I ever repay you for all of this?" she asked with a smile. Meredith laughed, hoisting up Ellis on her hip.

"By never having S-E-X on my couch again," she smirked, her green eyes teasing her. Amelia couldn't help but laugh and shake her head.

"Excuse me, we have our own couch to have S-E-X on now," she grinned, as she reached for Ellis. The toddler easily reached for her in turn and Amelia smiled; she had been around the baby she was born and the girl loved her just as much as the older two did. She walked around the restaurant with her, saying hello and thank you to everyone who had come for her and Owen, thanking them for coming to the wedding. She was on cloud nine from last night still, especially when Owen came up behind her, touching the small of her back.

"Did you steal a baby?" he joked, making faces at Ellis. Her heart swelled; she knew he loved kids, she knew how badly he wanted them and she smiled widely. She couldn't wait for their real lives to start, and in the back of her mind, she couldn't wait until the day she told him she was pregnant.

* * *

 **So this is my first attempt at Omelia fic, so be nice! I hope you like it as much as my Merder fics! I have big plans for Omelia as they're my other Greys OTP**


	2. I'm a Mess

A week and a honeymoon later, Owen and Amelia went back to work. Amelia almost felt like she was looking at life in a new light; she was whole and happy and healed, although she knew she still had millions of demons inside that she needed to face. _One day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time_ , she chanted to herself, knowing that each day was always easier than the last, each day with Owen by her side was easier than the last. Each moment she passed Owen in the halls of the hospital, she grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly with a smile and he squeezed back. They didn't always see each other during work unless Amelia was down in the ER or Owen was in surgery with her, but she was always happy to see him during the day.

Nights at home were different, with the pair spending their nights in bed having endless sex. It wasn't much different from before they were married, but one night Amelia heard the words she had been waiting endlessly to hear.

"Amy, I want to have a baby," he whispered to her, and her eyes teared up. Coming from a big family she had always wanted kids; her sisters had plenty of kids and Meredith had had three with Derek – Ellis had been born after he died, but they still had three together. She technically had one, but baby boy had lived for 43 minutes before dying in her arms. Addison had promised her that her drug and alcohol abuse hadn't affected his condition, but she was sure she had sugar coated it because she was 'fragile'.

"I want one too," she whispered back, wondering if it was too soon after their wedding, but in the back of her mind she knew that Nancy had come back from her honeymoon pregnant and had five kids. She was already in her forties, it was never 'too soon'. With a smile she leaned down and kissed him tenderly, her fingers running through his ginger hair.

"Let's have a baby," she smiled, biting on her lip.

BREAK

Five months later and Amelia still wasn't pregnant. Every worry was running through her mind, causing her anxiety levels to rise. Was she too old? Had her years of damaging her body destroyed her chances? She and Owen had made an appointment with a fertility specialist, but before the appointment she chased down Meredith at her house.

"So, I know you and Derek used a fertility specialist," she asked her sister in law, and Meredith sighed but nodded. It still hurt to think about Derek, even after almost three years.

"We did, it didn't really do anything though. Bailey was a surprise, and then after awhile Derek wanted another baby, and Ellis was a complete surprise," she said with a smile as she watched Ellis run after her big brother. Amelia slumped in her chair, her head in her hands.

"He wants children so badly, I'm terrified I won't be able to give them to him," she confessed, and Meredith came over and wrapped her arms around her.

"Amelia, there are other ways of having children. If you can't give birth to one, you can adopt like we did with Zola, they can take your eggs and you can use a surrogate, you can try invitro…there's so many options out there." Amelia sighed and took a sip of her water.

"I know I can, I know I have all those options. But there's just…something about carrying your own baby," she finally said, looking down at the floor. She wasn't putting any other option down, she simply remembered the feeling of being pregnant before and wanted that again – this time with a healthy baby.

"I know, Amelia. I've been on both sides, and both are equally rewarding. I love all three of these crazy kids and never thought I'd want to be a mother, but I see your side as well. I think Owen would take anything at this point," Meredith said with a smile, lifting Ellis into her booster so she could have a snack. Amelia smiled and swooped in for a kiss; Ellis was her favorite, although she felt bad for picking favorites. She had moved to Seattle when Bailey was a baby and Zola was a toddler, but Ellis had grown up with Amelia in her life and had a strong attachment to her aunt. Amelia smiled before she stood up.

"Well, Owen and I have an appointment, wish us luck," she said sadly, leaving the house and driving to the hospital where she met Owen.

BREAK

Amelia had endless labwork and exams, as did Owen, and there was an hour between the exams and their appointment with the fertility doctor. She was anxious as hell and made her way to the surgical floor inbetween, checking up on her patients and generally wandering the halls before Owen found her.

"Amelia, come back to the office, it can't be that bad," he told her, and she allowed herself to be led back to the waiting room, where she figeted for the good part of half an hour before they were called back to see the doctor, where Amelia could only look down at her hands.

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Hunt. We have a lot to discuss here," the doctor said. Amelia didn't bother to find out the name of the woman who would probably be telling her she wouldn't be able to have children.

"You're in your forties but you're fertile, there's plenty of eggs left. That's not the problem. You were an alcoholic. You were addicted to drugs. Those are the issues we're dealing with. It's not impossible but it's hard. Not difficult. Once you get pregnant I don't think it will be an issue, but getting there is the issue." Amelia's eyes shone with tears as she heard the news and she looked down at the floor. She had done this, her mess of a past had done this. She wanted nothing more than to give Owen a child, and it was going to be hard. But not impossible. Beside her, Owen cleared his throat and spoke up.

"Is there anything we can do to help?" he asked, reaching for Amelia's hand and giving it a squeeze.

"We can always do fertility treatments to help boost your chances and see how that goes. You're both doctors, I don't see why you can't do them at home," the doctor said, Amelia still looking at the ground. She nodded in reply, however, and the doctor bustled out of the office to get the kit. Amelia looked over at Owen, sobbing.

"This is my fault, I destroyed my body and now we can't have a baby," she said, tears running down her face.

"Amy, that's not true, you heard what she said. It might be hard but we can have one, and fertility treatments will help. We'll have our baby, we'll have tons of babies sweetheart," he told her, kissing her on the forehead. She finally cracked a smile, sighing slightly.

"I just feel like a failure at this right now," she said, as the doctor came in with the syringes and medication. Amelia looked at in dauntingly, knowing that every day, several times a day, she was going to be stuck with needles.

 _This is so we can have a baby, so we can have a family_ , she told herself, closing her eyes and breathing. Opening them she smiled at the doctor in thanks, before she and Owen departed.

They were going to have a baby or she was going to die trying.

BREAK

So chapter two! I hope you guys like it so far And um, sorry to people who were reading and expecting Derek, but I'm following canon for the show, so no Derek, I really don't appreciate comments of people upset that he's not in this fic when I'm simply following the show. I have plenty of other fics with him in it AND there will be more in the future with him in it!


	3. All of the Stars

She loathed early morning shots, when Owen woke her up with kisses and surprised her with a shot. She hated them when he called her into his office for lunch and pulled the shades, locking the door, and she especially hated them before bed, when they were supposed to be having sex. But instead of sex there was a needle being poked in her ass. To put it lightly, she was grumpy as hell about the needles, even if it resulted in a baby. There were definitely more needles than there was sex, and she was bitter about it, even if it made Owen laugh.

"You know what? Have your needles. I'm going to sleep on the couch," she said, in the midst of a major PMS session. She found herself on the couch in a tangle of blankets with chocolate ice cream, watching The Notebook by herself, before Owen came out of the bedroom.

"Mia, stop being grumpy," he told her, sitting down on top of her blankets and smothering her with kisses. She sighed and wrinkled her nose. The extra hormones were driving both of them crazy; she wanted to be done with this round and see if a baby came out of it, but she felt so hopeless. The added stress probably wasn't doing her body any good and arguing with Owen wasn't great for either of them as well.

"I'll stop being grumpu when I'm growing our baby. And then I'll be grumpy for other reasons," she pouted, as he leaned in and kissed her forehead.

"Have faith, Amelia. We'll have a baby soon," he promised her and she sighed, laying down with her head in his laugh.

"I have eleven nieces and six nephews. Even Meredith was barren and she gave birth to three kids. I had a baby once, why can't I get pregnant again? I've been clean since then, I've had alcohol, but plenty of alcoholics get pregnant," she said with a small sigh, clicking the tv off. She was tired of this; she felt like a failure, especially since everyone around her seemed to be getting pregnant and having kids.

Owen sighed lightly, running his fingers through Amelia's soft brown hair.

"Come to bed, Mia, nothing is going to get solved tonight," he told her. Reluctantly, she picked herself up out of her blankets and followed him to bed.

* * *

A few weeks later, Amelia woke up and felt awful. Owen was making breakfast and the smells of bacon and sausage frying made her stomach lurch. She stumbled out of bed and to the bathroom, just barely making it before emptying whatever was left in her stomach from the night before. Dizzy, she laid down, but she could barely make out Owen's voice calling her name as he came to find her. Eventually he stood over her, a worried look on his face.

"Mia, come on, get back into bed, you can call out of work." She let him pick her up and put her back in bed and she grunted.

"I'm head of the department, I can't callout sick!" she moaned, her stomach still churning and grumbling as she sat back into the comfort of the pillows.

"Better yet, I'll take the day off as well and take care of you," he declared. He was still in his pajamas and the breakfast that was on two plates in the kitchen was forgotten as he crawled back into bed with Amelia, curling up with his sick wife. If she had a stomach bug he didn't care, he'd get it was well, if that's what it was. Amelia closed her eyes and let herself go back to sleep, knowing Owen had called out for both of them.

* * *

When she awoke a few hours later, her stomach was lurching again. She wiggled out of Owen's grasp and dashed to the bathroom, pulling her hair back in a hair tie and barely making it to the toilet. She had no idea what was going on and suddenly it dawned on her – her period was three weeks late. She didn't want to get her hopes up, though, as she sat with her head resting against the cool porcelain of the toilet and she sighed. There were pregnancy tests underneath the sink but being a doctor, she wanted the blood test because it was more accurate.

Owen heard her throwing up again and rolled out of bed, heading towards their huge master bathroom.

"Mia, are you sure you're okay?" he asked had been looking down at her stomach, darling it to rebel against her again.

"Me? Yeah, I'm fine. I think we should go to the hospital," she said vaguely, her blue eyes sparkling.

"Why should we go to the hospital? Are you okay?" he asked her, completely concerned about her as she sat on the floor. She nodded with a huge smile.

"I think…we're having a baby. But I don't want to take a pregnancy test. I want a blood test to confirm it so I can check my HCG levels and then I can bother OB for an appointment today," she admitted, and he laughed as he took her hands and helped her up from the floor.

"You..what? You think you're pregnant?" He said her her, his eyes wide as she moved around the room trying to find clothes. It was January and it was sleeting outside, so she pulled on jeans and a sweater, brushing her hair and tying it out of her face and shoving her feet into Uggs. By the time she was dressed so was he, they wordlessly grabbed their coats and the rest of their things and climbed in Amelia's car. She couldn't believe they were on their way to see if she was going to have a baby.

* * *

In no time at all they were at the hospital, and Amelia was bending over her desk writing a lab slip. Basic metabolic, pregnancy test, and a few more she wanted to check, before, hand in hand, she and Owen were walking down to the lab together. Fortunately the lab wasn't backed up and Amelia was take in a flash.

"Make it stat, please, and send the results to Dr. Shepherd," she was with pursed lips as she walked out towards Owen. Stat bloodwork usually took a half hour to an hour to come back, and in that time she went up to OB and found herself and appointment for around 1 pm. Perfect.

By the time her labwork was back, it was time for her appointment. She and Owen headed back to the exam room and a nurse took her vitals, before having her take everything off and put on a paper gown, with a paper sheet over her bottom half. She was nervous as hell as she waited for the doctor to come in. When she did, there was a smile on her face.

"Well good news, your HCG levels are through the roof so there's definitely a baby in there." This made Amelia relax, her hand gripped in Owen's.

"Have you had symptoms yet? When was your last period?

"I started having morning sickness this morning, I skipped my period three weeks ago but didn't notice it until today. I'm a neurosurgeon, my life is insane, I thought it was just stress," she admitted, blushing.

"Dr. Shepherd, a lot of people don't notice they've skipped, it's norrmal. Don't stress about it. Just lay back so I can do an exam and an ultrasound," she smiled, and Amelia laid back as she did the pelvic exam, forever hating the feeling of it.

"Alright everything looks good, now let's take a look a baby," she smiled, squirting gel onto her stomach and moving the probe around. Suddenly the sound of a heartbeat filled the room and Amelia felt her eyes tearing up; beside her Owen was doing the same as he moved closer to her as they both watched the screen.

"Well we have a strong heartbeat and…here's your baby," the doctor said, turning the screen to look. Amelia was afraid, but eventually she looked. The first question out of her mouth though, was:

"Does it have a brain?" she whimpered, tears running down her cheeks. She had had to share her painful past of a pregnancy in her paperwork..

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd, your baby has a brain," the doctor said confidently, and Amelia was able to relax a great deal, still crying however. As the doctor printed off a video a photos for them. Amelia finally broke into a smile.

"You're about weight weeks and due around August 15th. Enjoy pregnancy but take it easy. I know you're a surgeon here and your job is demanding but don't do anything to risk his or her life. I'm giving you two prescriptions for morning sickness, get them filled as soon as possible in case you need, okay? I'll see you in a month," she said, and with that they were alone. Amelia quickly got dressed before sliding off he table, her arms going around his neck.

"We're having a baby. Finally. It took like eight months to get pregnant but we're having one!" she grinned, letting out a small squeal. He laughed and held out her coat and scarf.

"Come on Mia, your medication should be ready downstairs and then we're going home, you need more sleep," he told her, pressing a kiss to her lips. She tried to protest but he put a finger to her lips.

"You can work tomorrow but I want you to rest today, and take it easy. You're exhausted and you're going to have to take it easy and also eat three times a day snack." She groaned, following him downstairs to pharmacy where they got her medication, and through the sleet to her car, heading back to the house. She felt sick and popped a diclegis on their way home, and by the time they got home Owen had to carry her inside and lay her on the bed, undressing her and redressing her in pajama pants and a t-shirt tucking her under the blankets before heading out to the living room.

He stared at the ultrasound photos they had from earlier today and he couldn't help but tear up. They were having a baby. Amelia was carrying his baby. She was only 8 weeks but he couldn't wait to tell the hospital, let alone the entire world

BREAK

 **So there was a bit of a time hop in here but I wanted it to happen that way Please keep reading! I really like this fic, writing Amelia is completely different than writing Meredith and I love it! I love writing all my fics. After this one it's back to updating my Merder fics!**


	4. Sick Note

I wanted to give an apology to everyone for not updating recently. I have a very severe stomach disease called gastroparesis; I've had it nearly three years but it's extremely progressive and for me, it has progressed to the point where I can no longer have solid food. As you know, a person requires food to sustain life and have energy, and because I can't have food I have limited energy for things. Some days I can't get out of bed, some days I can only make it to the room next to mine; some days I have more energy than others. It varies.

I AM NOT ABANDONING MY WORK AND CHARACTERS. I have put so much work and love into my stories and I would never do that to them, or to you. I am simply saying that it may be awhile between updates, and for that I am incredibly sorry because I miss the days where I'd update every single story and make all of you smile. I'm doing the best that I can and I hope you don't abandon me because we still have a long journey ahead of us together.

Xx Emilia


	5. Hello again!

Hey everyone! I've missed all of you SO MUCH and I think I'm finally healthy enough to return to writing/updating fics for all of you! So much has happened in my life, I've lost so much, but in return I've gained so much more. Here's what's happened since I last posted a note:

I lost 35 pounds due to my gastroparesis, and as an already tiny, almost underweight person, it shoved me under the edge to severely underweight. But I'll return to that in a bit.

I had surgery on my stomach, a procedure called a pyloryplasty, to cut open the muscle that forces your stomach to contract every 2-3 minutes and helps food pass through. Now, when/if I eat, my food flows freely through and it's easier for my food to digest – which helps a lot, because we learned through a stomach emptying test that my food digests slowly, at a mere 12%. My digestive system is failing but it still works, albeit slowly.

So, last time I posted, I was barely able to eat, and was losing weight rapidly. I had no energy which is why I had to step back from writing, because my brain simply couldn't handle it anymore. I was so upset I couldn't write for you guys! When I went in for surgery, I weighed 101 pounds. I was in the hospital for 5 days after my surgery, and recovered quickly. However, 36 hours after being at home, I couldn't stop throwing up the 1/4th of a smoothie I had managed to drink, and I was admitted to the ICU at the hospital. They put in an NG (nasal-gastric) drainage tube in my nose going into my stomach, because there was a blockage in my stomach going into my small bowel (gross, right?) and I was diagnosed with something called SMA syndrome. Basically, I had lost too much weight in too little time, and a major artery had lost fatty tissue and simply collapsed on top of the area where the stomach meets the small bowel.

I was transported to the hospital where my GI doctor and surgeon were, and placed in THEIR ICU, and was on so much pain medication every hour just to make myself slightly more comfortable. Nothing helped with the pain. A few days later they placed what's called a GJ tube in my stomach, the G portion drains your stomach if it's backed up and you feel sick, and the J portion goes into your jejunum and is where you get feeds. It was a disaster from the start, with the J portion clogging straight away. It decided to stay clogged, no matter how hard they tried to unclog it (it would get unclogged for a few hours, and the next time they went to use it for feedings, medicine, etc, it would be clogged again.) So that was a disaster but after 22 days in the hospital, I got sent home on 9/8 – a day before my 27th birthday!

I luckily got to be home for my birthday, even if my birthday cake had to be brought up to me at my bedside because I was too sick and in too much pain to go downstairs, but I was surrounded by my parents, siblings, and nieces and nephews. However, the following Monday I landed myself in the ER with vomiting and severe pain, and was released Tuesday. Being so strong-willed, I made it to my classes Wednesday! My professors were impressed with how resilient I am, and proud of me. I should note that this entire time, the head of my dance program was doing everything she could to make sure that I could complete the semester, even though I came back 3 weeks into the semester. I seriously love this woman, and owe her so much. She is so determined and so caring, and emailed or texted me every single day that I was in the hospital and kept my spirits up, and is even allowing me to choreograph two dances this semester! One is a group piece and one is a solo, showcasing my 15 year struggle with anorexia. So far both pieces are going great!

So the Thursday after my birthday, I went and had my fourth endoscopy of the year, where I got the GJ tube out, and they placed a PICC line in my left arm. A PICC line is just a fancy term for a permanent IV/central line; if everything goes right with it you can have them for months or years. I began on TPN feedings, or total parenteral nutrition, which I carried around in a backpack while it infused and disconnected when it was time to dance. I needed to gain and reach 110 pounds; my lowest weight I had reached was 93. I'm currently 102, because unfortunately yesterday we discovered that my PICC had become infected, and it had to be pulled out. My GI doctor decided that I didn't need another one, and of course I'm losing weight like crazy, and my life is just one giant mess.

It doesn't help that I received two more diagnoses this past week: dysautonomia and POTS, which go hand in hand. Dysautonomia means that nerves in my briain don't send proper signals to places in my body, causing things to go wrong, which could be an explanation for my brittle diabetes, my gastroparesis, my severe migraines, and many other things. POTS stands for posterior orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, which basically means I have severe tachycardia. My resting heartrate when I'm sitting or lying down is usually in the 120's or 130's. For a normal person, their resting heartrate is usually around 90`100. When I dance it can go up into the 170's. which is dangerous but I've been given no restrictions which I'm happy about, but we'll see what a more specialized cardio tells me.

Throughout all of this I'm trying to stay positive and move on and be happy about this. I'm planning a trip to Disney with my best friend for spring break, and I'm going to NYC this weekend for comic con. I'm trying to live my life without limits, the way that chronically ill people try to live, because for now my only limit is my racing heartbeat and the way my body constantly feels like crap. But hopefully as I see doctors, things will slowly be explained and medication will be able to help me.

Either way, like I said, I'm definitely ready to come back and write more chapters for you guys! I've missed these characters so much and I've missed writing for you, and making you guys happy.

Look out for new chapters in ALL of my stories in this upcoming week!

XX Emilia


	6. Gone Baby Gone

This pregnancy was a brand new experience for Amelia. For one thing, there was the presence of Owen, fetching her things when she needed them – saltines, ginger ale, club soda – anything for her rolling stomach and terrible morning sickness. With her unicorn baby, she'd had no one. Actually that wasn't true. She had been in rehab for the first trimester, and hadn't even known he'd been growing in her womb. This was just so different to her. Her baby bump was already making itself known around ten weeks, but she was lucky enough to be able to hide it behind her scrub top, even though Owen had a habit of sneaking his hands underneath to touch the smooth, roundness of her tummy. She loved it, she loved everything about how different things were, but her mind couldn't help but wander back to the last time.

The last time had been horrible, walking through life knowing her son had had no brain. A neurosurgeon with a son with anecephaly. What could be more cruel? Her faith in God had never been tested more with her first pregnancy, as she had cried and cast him out of her life. God did not exist for her at that time, but she was slowly healing. She remembered a small moment in her life, before she and Owen had made anything official, when they were sitting in the chapel together. Lighting candles for Jackson and April, she had sat down next to him and reached for his hand.

" _My baby lived for 43 minutes,"_ she had said, taking his hand. He had squeezed it back wordlessly, and that was the first moment she had felt truly connected to him. He still didn't know about her son, it hit her, as she stood in their bedroom, reflecting upon that solitary moment. He didn't know why she asked about the baby's brain, why she had been so anxious and scared, and suddenly in that moment she knew she had to tell him, despite not wanting to. She was gripped with such a panic that she dropped one of his dress shirts, feeling her throat closing up around her and her hand going down to her belly. Was she even ready for this baby? Was she ready for the tiny human coming into her life in 30 weeks? Tears formed in her eyes and instinctively, she hauled her suitcase out of the closet, packing in a flurry of tears and chaos. Once she had packed for where she was going, she hauled everything downstairs, writing out a letter to Owen.

 _Dear Owen,_

 _I'm sorry for running again. I need some time to myself to think about things; I'll call you when I'm ready and you can come after me. I love you so much, but I need to face my past. I love you, I love you, I love you. Don't beat yourself up – this isn't about you, it's about me._

 _Love,_

 _Mia_

She left the note on the kitchen counter, under a bottle of scotch, knowing he'd see it for sure before she left the house and got in the car, knowing she'd be able to get a flight to Los Angeles for sure.

* * *

Arriving in bright and sunny LA was a stark contrast to February in Seattle. She was warm in her leggings and loose blouse, her coat draped over her arm as she got her suitcase from baggage claim, rented a car, and drove to the house she had never given up. Adjusting the air conditioning, she took a quick shower and did her hair and makeup, dressing in a loose black dress and heels, taking great care with her lipstick. Looking in the mirror on the back of her closet door, she deemed herself somewhat acceptable – honey-colored highlights in her dark hair, pale skin, a baby bump hiding under her dress. She grabbed a gray leather jacket and got in the car, heading in the direction of the practice, unsure of what she would find.

Once she was in the elevator and it headed up to the floor, she stepped out and looked around. It seemed different and yet it was exactly the same. Pete's office was still empty, as was hers. There was a new receptionist at the desk – Dell's position wouldn't be empty forever, she reasoned. Heaving a sigh, she clutched her black Prada bag in front of her, advancing towards the front desk, the click of her stilettos the only sound in the waiting room.

"Hi, I'm here to see Dr. Addison Montgomery. I don't have an appointment, I'm sorry," she said. The receptionist picked up the phone to get Addison as Amelia sat down in one of the plush seats. After a few minutes she heard her name in a gasp of shock.

"Amelia!?" said Addison, and she stood up, a small smile on her face.

"Surprise," she said, moving forward to hug her friend.

"What brought you back to LA?" she asked her, and Amelia shook her head a bit.

"Oh you know, just wanted to visit. We should talk in your office," she said grimly, her eyes losing that sparkle. Addison couldn't help but notice so she led the way down the hall, the sound of their heels on the wood floor sounding in unison. Amelia said a silent prayer to herself as she stepped into the office, taking a deep breath as she took a seat in one of the leather chairs in front of her desk. Addison looked at her expectantly, knowing that Amelia wasn't here just to visit

"Speak, Amelia," she said, and Amelia drooped, looking down at her feet.

"Well, I'm married to Owen, I know you've met him before. We're great, we're fine, we're happy. And I'm devastated inside. I'm pregnant. I was happy, I was so damn happy. I'm ten weeks, horrible morning sickness but I was so damn happy. Then this morning it hit me. I never told him about my baby. I have to tell him about my baby. And it made me question, do I even /want/ this baby? But it's not like I could or would ever have an abortion, or want to give it up for adoption because it's my baby and there's nothing wrong with it. I just…I never properly mourned. And I think that's it. So I guess…I came here to find myself, and find why I can't be happy for myself, and for us." Addison simply nodded, listening to the woman who was her little sister. She watched her and studied her, how animated and mature she was at 35, her rings catching the sunlight as she spoke with her hands as well as her heart. She sighed lightly before she spoke.

"I think you should talk to Sheldon, first of all. He was there for you for so much of this, when I wasn't there until the end of it. You confided in him as a friend and a psychologist and he knows you so well. As for other things, I can run a full genetic panel on you. But Amelia, you know you have a chance of anencephaly with every child you carry, it's in your genetics," she told her, and Amelia pressed her lips together tightly. She knew, she was painfully aware as hot tears threatened to spill out of her eyes.

"I know," she whispered, before standing up to go to the exam room next door.

* * *

After Addison drew several tubes of blood, she sent her into a session with Sheldon. For the first half hour she sat there, playing with her wedding rings and saying nothing. Finally, though, she spoke up.

"I have a reoccurring dream. I dream that this baby, ends up with anencephaly as well, and Owen leaves me when he finds out. And..I wake up terrified, screaming in the middle of the night, with his arms around me. And he's there. He's always there for me. Non-stop. I have the most devoted husband in the world. He loves me more than anyone has ever loved me before, and he's so excited to be a dad. But I wish I could be as excited as he is," she said with a small sigh. She looked past him towards the window, hating the bright sun. Right now, she was not a bright and bubbly person, she was sad and miserable, and a bit queasy. Sheldon studied her; she was not the same person he had once known. She was older, more mature; she was hardened around the edges from trauma, yet she was still young and beautiful, the old Amelia was still there.

"You should visit him, Amelia. Visit your boy. Maybe sitting and talking to him will help." She nodded slowly; thinking of going to the graveyard and talking to a headstone sent shivers down her spine, but in her own twisted way, she felt perhaps it might work.

* * *

Later that day, she found herself standing in front of a small headstone.

Baby Shepherd. 2013-2013. She had two bunches of flowers in her hands; a bouquet of calla lilies, which she placed at the bottom of the headstone, and a bouquet of white roses, which she kept in her arms. All she could do was stand there for the first 20 minutes, her head flooded with thoughts and memories. Finding out she was pregnant, and how happy she had been that she and Ryan had created a life. Finding out about his condition, and shying away from Addison, simply because she's the one who had found the abnormality. She painfully remembered labor and delivery, and holding her son until she died. She refused to have to relive it again.

She didn't know she was crying until she felt a tear rolling down her cheek, and her legs were wobbling as she tried to stay standing. Eventually she collapsed in the grass in tears, the memories strong and overpowering her. She traced the letters etched on the headstone, her fingers trailing over each letter, writing it into her memory. Sheldon was right, it was helping. Somehow being here was soothing.

After awhile, she worked up the courage to talk.

"Hey, sweet boy, it's your mama. I…I know I've never come to visit. It's complicated. I didn't think I could do this for you, for us. But I'm here today, because I miss you, and I never properly mourned you, or said goodbye. You'll always be my first baby. I love you, I love you so much, and no one can ever replace your in my heart. I lost so much when I found out you were there, and then when I found out you would never be here in this life. I lost God, I lost myself, I lost everything. I didn't think I'd ever want a baby again. And I still don't think I can, but you're getting a sibling, and I don't know what to do. You'd be so excited….a little brother or sister to play with. I'm scared, I'm so scared, and I wish you were here…I wish you were here so badly because I only got to know you for 43 minutes, and I loved every moment of those 43 minutes," she choked up again, her hair falling in front of her eyes.

"Some people are just too beautiful for this world," she said, tears falling from her eyes as she reached for the white roses, tearing them from the stems and letting the petals fall around the grave site as she sobbed. She was glad she was along; her sobs were gut wrenching as she laid in the grass neck to everything, her hand on the earth above here he was buried, closing her eyes. She let the wind and the air wash over herself.

After awhile, when she was all cried out, she slowly sat up onto her knees, gathering her things. She stood up and sighed, looking down at the small grave again, tears filling her eyes.

"Goodbye baby boy, mama will be back soon," she whispered, before heading back to her car and eventually, home.

* * *

 **I really wanted to write a chapter somewhat canon to the show, where Amelia is scared of having a baby, but I already had her pregnant but then came up with this. I truly think (in show terms) Amelia ran away to LA to talk to Addison! Or at least that's what I'm truly hoping. This was also such a challenging chapter to write and I cried buckets! But it came out so easily and I loved writing it. Anyway, please read and review!**


	7. I Wish You Would

Amelia came back to the practice the next day to meet with Addison over her test results. She was nervous; obviously her baby didn't have anencephaly this time, but there were a myriad of other issues that could be going wrong. In a shift dress and a pair of heels that could kill, she did herself up again, becoming half the sex goddess she had been when she had lived here. Hair up in a high ponytail, makeup done to perfection, red lipstick applied expertly after her usual morning sickness. She had a slight sheen of sweat on her face as she left the house but she chalked it up to feeling gross from her morning sickness.

Getting into the car, she sped to the practice, needing to know the results of her test. It wasn't a want, it was a damn need at this point. She breezed by reception and knocked on Addison's door, stepping inside since she knew Addie was the only one in there. Addison gave her a smile, pulling her chart and taking out the lab slip.

"Amelia, glad you decided to come back today," she said, as Amelia nodded and sat down nervously, tapping the toe of her shoe on the floor.

"I mean, I need to know the results of my lab work, I need to know if somethings wrong with me or the baby," she said, her voiced filled with uncertainty. Addison smiled, reaching across her desk and taking Amelia's hand.

"Amelia, your blood work was fine. You and your baby are fine," she told her, and Amelia's hard exterior melted as she broke down in tears. She was healthy. Her baby was healthy. The next thing she knew, Addison was lifting her up by the arm.

"Come on, we're going to do an ultrasound and you're going to see your baby," she smiled. It had been a few weeks since her last ultrasound but she had lost track of how many weeks she was. Amelia blindly followed her to the exam room and found herself on the the exam table in a gown, Addison guiding the wand over her sizeable bump. The heartbeat filled the room and all of a sudden a warm feeling filled her body from head to toe as she saw her baby moving on the monitor.

"You're 15 weeks, Amelia, and it looks like baby's behaving. Do you want to know what you're having?" Her breath caught in her throat as she looked at the screen, swallowing hard. She wanted to know, but she also wanted Owen to be there with her. But then, she could surprise him with something gender related and adorable.

"What am I having?" she asked breathlessly, trying to read the ultrasound. Her OB rotation had been more than ten years ago though, and her eyes were wide as Addison pointed things out.

"Right there are the hands, down there are the feet, and that right there, you're having a little girl," she told her, printing a few photos. Tears ran down Amelia's face as she lay back on the table. A girl. She was having a girl. A daughter, who would most likely be born with her dark hair and blue eyes. A little Amelia. A female form of Derek. Suddenly, she needed to breath, and she quickly dressed before grabbing her things.

"Thank you, Addie, I need to run," she said in a frenzy, heading towards the elevator. She felt sick, like she couldn't breathe, and once she was outside she breathed in the salty air coming off the ocean before heading to the car. Once she was in the car she took out her phone and dialed Owen's number, tears streaming down her face.

In Seattle, Owen felt his phone vibrating in the pocket of his lab coat. Noticing it was Amelia, he ducked into an on-call room and shut the door.

"Amelia," he said with a small sigh of relief. She had been missing for a week now and he was scared out of his mind.

"Owen," came her strangled cry, as she rested her forehead on the steering wheel.

"Amelia babe, what's wrong?" he asked her, leaning against one of the bunk beds. She bit on her lip and took a deep breath.

"I'm in Los Angeles. I, um. There's just so much to tell you. I know you want to see me, I can pick you up at the airport." She could hear him springing into acting and grabbing an ipad; she could imagine him nabbing a last minute flight into LAX this evening and she knew she had to find something cute to give him to tell him about the baby.

"Mia…I'll be there at 5 okay? I love you so much. We'll talk then, I love you," he told her, and she smiled as they hung up and she headed for the heart of LA and Rodeo Drive.

* * *

She took her time shopping, picking up a bunch of maternity clothes for herself and some tiny, expensive little girl clothing. For Owen, she found a layette of pink newborn clothes complete with a blanket and a pink teddy bear and had it gift wrapped, thinking that she'd bring it to the airport with her when she went to pick him up. Running around the city, she did a few more things before heading to LAX at 4:45, parking in the garage and heading inside with her wrapped box, sunglasses perched on top of her head. Sitting on a bench, she waiting with her eyes trained on the screen, waiting to see when his flight changed to landed. She was excited to see him, but terrified to spill everything that had been bottled up inside her for years.

Once his flight had landed, she drew in a sharp breath, her heart racing as she searched the crowd for her tall, redheaded husband. Seeing him coming down the escalator, she stood up and pushed her way to the front, a smile on her face, the box tucked under her arm. He looked around for her, his eyes lighting up as he spotted her in the crowd and he rushed over to her with a smile.

"Amelia," he smiled, drawing her into a kiss, his hand gravitating to her growing bump. She could feel him react in surprise at how big she'd gotten and she smiled, pulling back.

"Come on, let's grab your things and go back to the house, I'll make you dinner and we can talk," she said, taking his hand. He quickly found his bag and they headed out to her rental car, hand in hand. Once they were there and his suitcase was in the trunk, she climbed into the front seat, tucking the box in the backseat. Getting to Santa Monica from LAX was a bitch, and in a little over an hour they were pulling into the private driveway of the beach house and heading inside, Amelia sneaking the box in. Once Owen was settled on the couch and Amelia had started dinner, she sat down on the couch next to him, reaching for his hand.

"I'm sorry I just ran. I just…there was so much going on in my head, I felt like I couldn't breathe. There's so much I never told you about my life here, and what happened, and why I am the way I am," she said, slipping her feet out of her shoes so she was barefoot. To his credit, he listened patiently and squeezed her hand. She took in a deep breath, closing her eyes.

"I know I told you about Ryan, my dead fiancée. What I didn't tell you is once I got out of rehab, I found out I was pregnant. Soon after, Addison discovered that he had anencephaly. I decided I was going to carry him to term, and donate his organs. So..I carried him for 9 months. I never felt him move, or anything. I had a natural labor and birth and he lived for 43 minutes before he died. He saved so many people with his organs," she whispered, trembling but trying not to break down. He leaned in, pulling her into his arms.

"Mia…Amelia. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry, that you went through that, that you think it's going to happen again. Is this why you cry at night? And have nightmares? And wake up screaming sometimes?" he asked her, already knowing her answer. She looked away, nodding her head.

"Among other things. Addictions tend to leave you filled with PTSD as well. We're just two broken people who managed to find each other," she said eventually, looking down at her bare feet on the plush carpet, sighing. She felting him pulling her closer and soon she was on his lap, her head curled up on his shoulder as he held her, one hand on her baby bump.

"Amelia it doesn't matter. We have each other, we have our baby," he promised her. At that she smiled and climbed off his lap, going to retrieve the box she'd had wrapped up today, before handing it to him.

"Open it," she smiled standing in front of him, and curiously, he unwrapped it and lifted off the lid, to find the pink onesies, blanket, teddy bear, and socks. He looked up at her with a smile.

"Does this mean what I think it means?" he asked her with a smile, and she smiled back, nodding.

"Oh, yes. Baby Hunt is healthy, and baby Hunt is a healthy girl," she smiled proudly. He stood up and rushed at her, peppering her with kisses and she grinned as he touched her bump again.

"She's going to be so spoiled and loved," he smiled, kissing Amelia's forehead before kneeling down and kissing her bump. She let her fingers roam through his hair, knowing that she could move on with her life now. The past was in the past, and she was going to keep it there. She wanted badly to move on and now that she had come to LA and made peace with things, she truly felt that she could.

"Owen, take me home," she said softly to him, and he smiled, cupping her chin tenderly before locking her in a kiss.

"Let's take a few days to ourselves, just around the house and beach, and then we can go home. No one needs to know why you ran, just tell them you needed to see Addison," he told her, and she smile, giving him a kiss.

"I love you, you know. I mean, you put up with my neurosis," she laughed, and he laughed with her.

"You put up with mine," he retorted as she steered him into the kitchen so she could make dinner. The two of them finished preparing everything and brought it outside to the patio so they could eat by the ocean, and for the first time in weeks Amelia felt okay with things. The thought of going home to Seattle wasn't a pleasant one, but she knew she had to get back to reality.

"And that, my love, is why you're my one true love," she told him with a smile.

* * *

 **So a lot happened in this chapter but I'm glad I got it all out so we can move forward with Amelia and her pregnancy and her being happy, so yay! Now if it were only January 19th, but we have less than a month left! Hope you like the chapter**


	8. Authors Note

AN: Hey guys! Emilia here. I really would love to get back into writing as I miss it! My health is finally doing better and I miss these stories and these storylines like crazy! Do you want me to continue these existing stories or start fresh with new ones? I'm tempted to write Dreams on Fire again, since I'm not happy with the existing version and feel I could do so much better!

Please throw some ideas out there for me! In the meantime, I'm going to try and start updating some things for you amazing people 3


	9. Perfect

Coming home to Seattle was hard. It was the middle of winter, and with their house halfway up a mountain, Amelia wrinkled her nose when the persistent rain switched to a hard-falling snow. Thankfully Owen was an expert in driving in all weather and he got them home safely to the house he'd finished during the 5 weeks she was gone. She was impressed with the imposing structure; it held six bedrooms, 6 bathrooms, four half bathrooms, and boasted a formal living room and dining room, a cozy family room, a playroom for the kids, a state of the art kitchen, and miles of land in all directions that led up the mountain and to trails around the house, fulfilling their love of hiking and camping.

"We're going to love going hiking with her all the time," she smiled as they pulled up to the gorgeous house, which she was eager to explore. Lingering in the car for a moment, she took a deep breath. There was a finality to everything; once she got out of the car she was home for good, there was no turning back and running to LA. Not that she wanted to; it was a wasteland filled with terrible memories and triggers for her.

"Are you coming, Mia?" Owen asked her, and she slid out of the car, still looking up at the beautiful house he'd built for her and their family. It was nestled in a small clearing in the woods, gated in, her car parked in the three-car garage to accommodate the truck he refused to get rid of under any circumstances. Snow stuck to her hair as she looked around, breathless. He'd managed to plant a row of rosebushes, currently dormant, under the front windows, and everything painted a pretty picture with the snow-covered pine trees rising up behind the imposing structure.

"It's beautiful," she breathed in the cold air, managing to not slip on the snowy pathway as she followed him to the front door, stepping inside. If she thought the outside was beautiful, nothing could prepare her for inside.

A sweeping staircase led upstairs in a two-story entry hall, which led to large two-story living room, a cozy fireplace situated at one end, the room beautifully set up. She knew at least Maggie and Meredith had helped him. The other side led to the massive kitchen, and she ran her hand over the unused counters, dreaming up the things she could bake in there. A doorway led into the dining room, complete with a china cabinet filled with their wedding china and crystal. Looking at her reflection in the glass, she was surprised that she was calm and collected walking around the house. Her house. There were a few more rooms downstairs she poked around, before grabbing her carry-on and going upstairs.

The first door she opened as to an immaculate guest room, the best made just so. The second was to their own room, which she explored with glee. She loved the blue tones of everything, especially the giant bed in the center of the room, and the pale blue chaise that sat by the window, looking over the front yard. The bathroom was even better, with a huge bathtub and a separate stall shower with a triple showerhead, her things lined up on a shelf and at the double sink.

When she left the bathroom, Owen was standing in the doorway of the bedroom with a smile.

"So how do you like everything?"

"It's…you did all this and I had run away, I feel like such a crappy wife," she confessed, fingers tangling over her baby bump. He shook his head gently, enveloping her in his arms.

"You're not a crappy wife, Mia, you were scared. There's a difference. You needed reassurance from someone more familiar with you, who was there for you last time. Come here," he said, taking her hand and leading her into a room across the hall.

"I wanted this to be a surprise, so I could paint it and have everything perfect but…" He flicked on the switch for the overhead light.

Inside the room were a crib, armoire, and changing table on top of a chest of drawers, all painted white. The floor was hardwood, with the window looking over the backyard. Amelia bit her lip, tears springing to her eyes.

"Oh Owen," she smiled, wrapping her arms around him tightly. She was touched he had started to build the nursery, and now that they knew the baby was a girl they could paint it and decorate the rest.

"It's perfect," she kissed him, running a hand over the side-rail of the crib, her other hand affectionately touching her bump, something she'd taken to doing without realizing it lately.

"Baby Hunt approves wholeheartedly," she teased him, peeking out the window. The backyard had a gated pool, a huge stretch of grass where she knew he'd want to play soccer with their boys, and trails leading off into the woods, covered in snow for right now.

"This house is more than I could've imagined, truly," she said, turning back around to face him. Her smile was brighter than it had been in weeks as she looked up at him, her hands halfway inside her shirt sleeves.

"You really like it? I tried to make it as perfect to the plans we made as possible," he smiled, his lips brushing across her forehead tenderly, holding her close to him. She hadn't realized how much she had missed him, but now she never wanted to leave him again. Breathing out a sigh, she laced her fingers with his, squeezing his hand tightly.

"I missed you so much," she murmured, letting her eyes fall shut as they stood in the nursery, locked there in that moment. She felt his hands run over her bump and she smiled, loving the feeling.

"I missed you too, I missed Baby Hunt….she needs a name now that we know she's a she," he smiled, gently nuzzling her neck. She let the pad of her thumb gently rub smooth circles over the back of his hand as they continued to be absorbed in themselves.

"We can think up names later, all I want is to just be with you right now. Seattle you is better than LA you," she said, knowing how weird it sounded.

"I can't explain it, but Seattle me is better than LA me, too," she giggled, her eyes fluttering open as she looked up at him.

"Come on, Seattle you and Seattle me can snuggle and take a nap together," he said, scooping her up and carrying her across the hall to their bedroom. She stretched out on their bed, pulling the blankets up to their chin as she curled up in his arms, giving him a kiss.

"I love you, Owen Hunt. The me that I am loves the you that you are," she smiled, her eyes heavy. He chuckled, touching her cheek lightly.

"And the me that I am loves the you that you are. And our tiny little baby girl," he said, leaning over and kissing the crest of her bump. Delirious with happiness, she let her eyes fall shut, unable to keep them open any longer.

* * *

 **So I wrote this chapter all in one go, to get back into the story, and I love how it turned out but I'll let you be the judges of that! I'm gonna keep it a secret where I'm going with the story though, beyond the baby ;) I may or may not follow the show, who knows! Please leave a review if you liked it!**


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